you really can’t trust girls who don’t value sisterhood. just pray for them and keep it moving.

(via badgrade)


You would think that Andrew Jackson was giving you his undivided attention, and then you would glance over and notice that he had devoted the last several minutes to making a laborious sketch of an alligator.

“Mr. President!” you would gasp, indignantly.

“I have a bullet lodged inside my body,” he would say. “From killing a man in a duel. A better man than you.” He would resume drawing the alligator.


-On Presidential Doodlers

Said alligator:


(via thedancingtoast)

(via mooseandtrenchcoat)


why fall in love when you can fall back asleep??

(via garekisan)


girls who like being choked during sex are neato

(via fuckyeahsexanddrugs)


aziz ansari’s voice in the back of my head faintly telling me to treat myself is going to be my downfall

(via dreambeyond-thestars)